


Make The Best Of It

by Pline



Series: Coldatom Week 2016 [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, ColdAtom Week 2016, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Ray-centric, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6654241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pline/pseuds/Pline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day One of Coldatom Week 2016: Soulmates AU</p><p>Ray was born with a mark on his wrist that is both a gift and a curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make The Best Of It

Raymond Palmer was born with a mark on his wrist. 

In this world, soulmates exist, but they are rare. Who decides who gets a soulmate? Who decides who is your other half?

Ray has always been curious. Every since he was old enough to understand what the mark on his skin meant, he wanted to understand _why_ he had it. His parents did not have one, neither did his grandparents.

As a child, he tried figuring out a pattern. There had to be a sense, a meaning behind all this, he would tell his mother. He had to understand it. 

He spent hours and hours thinking about it and reading every book he could find on the subject. His parents were getting worried by the second, their son’s obsession with his mark was eating him from the inside out.

One day, he came home from school and there was an old woman sitting with them. She also had a mark on her wrist.

It was the first person he met who had a mark. He was so giddy! He had so many questions, and he wasted no time in asking them. The lady, Sophie, laughed and answered as best as she could. She didn't know much more about the _hows_ and the _whys_ of soulmates.

He asked his last question without his previous enthusiasm, a bit nervous actually:

“Did you meet your One?”

He never forgot the look on Sophie's face, her eyes hollow and filled with tears.

“Yes, I met him. We were happy.”

“What happened?”

“I lost him.”

That's how Ray understood soulmates could break you, and he was not so sure anymore he wanted his One. Sophie saw his fear and doubt and said, softly, “Losing him was the most painful thing I've ever lived through, but I would lose him every day for the end of times, if it meant I had the chance of knowing him. A soulmate is the best and the worst thing of someone's life.”

After meeting Sophie, he stopped wondering about marks and soulmates. He was still curious, of course, but the thought of going through so much pain over love was scary. He would meet the one destined to him anyway, he could only wait. And maybe science could not explain marks, maybe it was simply magic.

That idea somewhat comforted him. Maybe there was something magical about him.

 

* * *

 

 

He met Anna when he was 21. She bore no mark on her wrist. He did not care, he loved her, he forgot all about soulmates and destiny, he loved her, he loved her so much.

Marks did not matter anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

He lost Anna. She was killed in front of his eyes while he sat there, helpless and screaming.

He felt like he lost everything, his love, his sunshine, his better half.

He thought of Sophie and how she had told him that had felt like dying when her soulmate had passed away.

Anna was not his soulmate, but oh, did it hurt.

Raymond Palmer decided he would never open himself to love again.

 

* * *

 

 

Yet, he did.

It was brief and she was in love with someone else, but it gave him hope again. Maybe he could make peace with Anna's death.

Maybe he would find his One.

 

* * *

 

 

Life on a time-traveling spaceship is not always easy. As big as the Waverider is, it does not leave much place for privacy outside of their room.

Ray is observant, he is a scientist and his curiosity knows no bounds. So, he takes notes of his teammates. He does not know them enough yet, he is still unsure if he can trust them.

The first thing he notices is the marks.

Carter and Kendra both have one, and Ray supposes they are identical.

The rest of the team does not have one. Apart from Snart. Ray never sees the mark, that does not surprise him. Most people who have one hide it under a wrist band, which he does as well.

Yet, the thief never mentions a soulmate, so either he still hasn't met them, or he has lost them. Whatever it is, Ray immediately feels an instant connection with the other man. Does he feel as lonely as he does? Does he ache for his One as well?

But apparently Ray is the only one feeling the connection. Snart cannot stand him and is constantly annoyed by anything Ray says or does.

Well, at least he won’t make a fool of himself by asking way too personal questions to someone he just met.

 

* * *

  

Will they ever stop Savage? Will they ever stop losing people?

They are supposed to be heroes, save people, but they only seem to break havoc wherever they go. The only difference they make is to make things worse.

A part of him tells him that he is exaggerating, that they did save some people, but his anxiety his shutting that up and only making him feel trapped in his own skin and fear.

Somehow, he senses Snart before he sees him, although the thief does not make any noise. It's like he just _knows_ the other is here with him.

It does not make sense, it is just his exhaustion talking. 

Snart does not talk, he just sits next to him, close enough he can feel him, but not so that they touch. They stay like this, staring at the wall in front of them, without moving.

There is a storm in Ray's mind trying to break from him. He wants to scream, but Snart's silent presence grounds him. Leonard is breathing louder than usual, or perhaps that's just him noticing it in any case that helps him focus.

In. Out. In. Out.

The raging storm quiets until he can hear his own thoughts again.

They still haven't talked.

 

* * *

 

 

During one of their missions, Snart gets hurt.

Ray can feel the fear and the panic bobble up in his throat, he wants to scream, but he suppresses his worry and carries the man to the Waverider.

He doesn't wonder why exactly he is so worried. He is not supposed to care so much for the (ex?) villain. But he does.

 

* * *

 

 

Hours later, Snart is already feeling better. Gideon did wonders patching him up, and he will have no scar from the gunshot.

Ray is relieved beyond words.

Snart is a member of the team, this is why he was scared for him. There is no other reason, no other feelings.

(He has always been good at lying to himself.)

Of course, he goes to see him in the med bay. He still has blood on his face, but he is alive and awake, and that's what matters.

Because Snart was shot in his left arm, he had to take off the wrist band he usually wears to hide his mark. Because of the medicine he's been given, he's less alert than usual. And because Ray is horribly curious and observant, he takes a look at Snart's mark.

It's simple: an infinite symbol with three small dots underneath.

It's the same he's looked at everyday on his own skin.

It's the same he wears on his wrist.

 

* * *

 

 

Snart has noticed something is wrong with him, but he doesn't seem to care that much. Or maybe he's letting him some time before cornering him and demanding answers.

Ray can't think.

He's afraid.

No, scratch that, he's terrified.

He's lost Anna once, and she was not his soulmate. He does not think he could survive losing Snart. But would Snart even want him?

Yes, they are getting along better now, he wouldn't call them friends, but Snart has saved his life and he saved his, and sometimes they sit in silence in the kitchen when everyone else is asleep and Ray is thinking too loud to rest.

Leonard probably (maybe) does not hate him anymore, but that does not mean he wants Ray to be his One.

What if he kept it secret? It would be better for both of them. Ray would save himself for losing a soulmate that never was his to begin with, and Len wouldn't have to look at him with pity and tell him he'd rather be alone than be with him.

Yes, that's what he is going to do.

That and ignoring Len forever, obviously.

That proves to be difficult since they are basically living together.

Everyone notices his abrupt change of attitude. Since he saw Len's mark, Ray has been distant and silent, withdrawn in his workshop, taking care of his suit.

“Spill it.”

Ray almost jumps out of his skin.

“Sara! You could knock, God, I think I had a tiny heart attack.”

“So?”

Ray's eyes leave her face and settle on his suit once again. He needs to improve it if he want to help stop Savage. It's the only thing he can focus on now.

“Ray, don't zone out when I'm talking to you.”

“Sorry, I'm just tired I guess.”

“I'm a trained assassin. I know when someone is lying to me.” 

“I'm not lying.”

“But you're not telling the whole truth either.”

Ray sighs and says, “It's okay, I'm okay, it's nothing about the team.”

“Really? Because, talking about the team, Rip summoned a meeting an hour ago and you were the only absent.”

“Oh no, I completely forgot, I was working on my suit! Why didn't you send someone from me or asked Gideon to remind me? I would've come!”

“Well, we decided to talk about you.”

Ray feels the colors leave his cheeks. Talk about him? Did they finally understand he was useless? Did they finally decide to leave him rot somewhere? The familiar panic starts creeping up on him. 

“Ray, look at me,” Sara has never looked at him like this. She looks compassionate, she takes his hand and squeezes it. He is a mess, isn't he?

“It's fine, we're just worried about you.” 

The panic settles down slowly, and he after a while can breathe again, just a tiny bit better. Sara does not leave his side while he calms himself, and she smiles softly at him the whole time.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Something happened. You're acting strange. We decided it was time to talk to you.”

“And they sent you?” he can't help it, Kendra or even Stein would have been better equipped to deal with his emotional distraught.

“I volunteered,” she answers simply. “So, tell me, what's going on with you? And don't even think about lying or not telling me everything, I would know.”

“Why do you even care?” he whispers tiredly. His happy mask his off, she wants to see him, well let her see his ugliness, his exhaustion and despair. 

“When your mind is off the game, it can endanger the rest of us,” and before he can drowns in his own self-loathing (of course it's that, only that, no one cares) she adds , “also, you're annoying but you're the good kind of annoying. I don't particularly enjoy seeing you suffer like this.”

Ray smiles, a true smile, he knows that in Sara's language, this is a great declaration of friendship. He says nothing back, he doesn't have too.

“Snart is my soulmate.”

It feels liberating saying it.

“I'm scared he won't want me, I'm scared he'll want me and I'll loose him. I can't... I don't know what to do.”

“Does he know?”

He shakes his head no. He feels defeated.

“Then tell him, you can't take the choice away from him.”

And of course she's right.

 

* * *

 

 

He finds Len in an empty room, looking over his gun.

“Hi.”

“Raymond.”

He has never been very comfortable with words, so instead of talking, he takes off his wrist band and shows his mark to his soulmate.

_The infinite symbol, three dots underneath._

He expected anger or disgust, he hoped for joy, but he got none of that.

“You're my soulmate, I know.”

Ray is flabbergasted.

“You what?”

“I know. Don't tell me you didn't feel the pull, Raymond.”

“I, yes, but I thought, I didn't, what?”

Len rolls his eyes, he looks annoyed but the entire situation. Ray brasses himself up for the inevitable rejection.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Ray bursts out.

He knew! He knew! His mind is racing. Len knew!

“Why didn't you?”

Suddenly, Ray feels even more exhausted. He looks at Len, who is impassible as ever, and wonders once again who decides for soulmates. Who thought they would make a good pair?

He sits down on the floor. He wants to cry, he wants to laugh at the irony of it all. He does nothing.

“Okay,” he says instead. “I'm sorry.”

Len doesn't answer.

“What...” He has to ask, “What's your opinion on, hm, us?”

“My whole life,” Len says after a hesitation, “I rejected the idea of soulmates. I thought it was stupid. I refused to be tied to a stranger because of some ink I was born with.”

“And now?” Ray croaks out, his voice is hoarse, his heart is beating deafeningly fast.

“I don't know why we are what we are, but we are. I am not good at feelings,” he says the word 'feelings' like it's burning his lips, “but I'm willing to get better, if it's with you.”

“I think I'm broken,” Ray warns, Len has to know.

“I'm not an example of liveliness and joy either.”

“You need to be sure of it. You need to be sure you want this.”

“I am.” A pause. “Are you?”

_A soulmate is the best and the worst thing of someone's life._

Maybe they could make the best of it.

“Yes.”

 

* * *

 

 

_Ten years later_

 

They're still both broken, but the broken pieces of their souls fit into a beautiful mosaic. They're not perfect, they fight and they bicker, but they have each other.

“Stop being sappy, Raymond.”

“You love me sappy, Leonard.”

They kiss.

Ray is happier than ever, at last he is at peace, and he'll enjoy that peace for however long he'll have it.

He strokes Len's mark, their mark, and he smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I actually didn't plan on it being so angsty, but I got a bit carried away, and it was fun to write!
> 
> See you all tomorrow for Day Two! Thanks everyone for reading!


End file.
